Dorothy Parker Quotes

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.......

She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think Your hell is worse than mine.

My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping ri...

Then she told herself to stop her nonsense. If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretc...

I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I...

There's life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax ...

This level reach of blue is not my sea; Here are sweet waters, pretty in the sun,Whose quiet ripples...

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Little WordsWhen you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,Nor singing sea at night, nor silver bird...

MenThey hail you as their morning starBecause you are the way you are.If you return the sentiment,Th...

tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!

If wild my breast and sore my pride,I bask in dreams of suicide,If cool my heart and high my headI t...

ur be the things I am wiser to know:Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.Four be the things I'd bee...

In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his t...

A Very Short Song Once, when I was young and true, Someone left me sad- Broke my brittle heart in tw...

Now to me, Edith looks like something that would eat her young.

I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know...

God, the bitter misery that reading works into this world! Everybody knows that - everbody who IS ev...

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,Painter or plumber or never-do-well,Do me a favor and shut your fa...

I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under m...

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

They sicken of the calm who know the storm.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

And if my heart be scarred and burned,The safer, I, for all I learned.

I never see that prettiest thing-A cherry bough gone white with Spring-But what I think, "How gay 't...

I don't know," she said. "We used to squabble a lot when we were going together and then engaged and...

If I didn't care for fun and such,I'd probably amount to much.But I shall stay the way I am,Because ...

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,a medley of extemporanea,And love is a thing that can never go ...

Some men break your heart in two,Some men fawn and flatter,Some men never look at you;And that clean...

But I give you my word, in the entire book there is nothing that cannot be said aloud in mixed compa...

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Lips that taste of tears they say are the best for kissing.

Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful Noose...

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.

I shall stay the way I am Because I do not give a damn.

There was never a place for her in the ranks of the terrible slow army of the cautious. She ran ahe...

Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I...

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do the...

They sicken of calm who know the storm.

They sicken of the calm that know the storm.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair.

Scratch a lover and find a foe.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Where's the man could ease the heart Like a satin gown?

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

It cost me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. 'Aha my little dear' I say 'You...

Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.

Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.

Hold your pen and spare your voice.

Eternity is a ham and two people” (also given as “Eternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip ...

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck ...

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say...

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the r...

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of...

I hate writing, I love having written.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

I don't know much about being a millionaire but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

He'll be cross if he sees I have been crying. They don't like you to cry. He doesn't cry. I wish to ...

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out o...

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that some...

I shudder at the thought of men....I'm due to fall in love again

By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying....

Women and elephants never forget.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Work is the province of cattle.

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is si...

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

The TriflerDeath's the lover that I'd be taking;Wild and fickle and fierce is he.Small's his care if...

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it wa...

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts a...

If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks th...

Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year.

Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will...

She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her...

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts aw...

The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.

Wit has truth in it wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed".

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.